Overwhelmed.....but I think finally the good kind.

I'm putting this out there, even though its nothing new for most people with children. OVERWHELMED.

If there is a word that even begins to make overwhelmed seem small, then, that my readers is how I truly feel.

I can't seem to feel any satisfaction even if I have accomplished everything on my "to do" list. I find it so fulfilling yet irritating that I can not and will never be able to catch up on everything I want to do. From me time to taking care and teaching Chunk, to taking care of the house, to earning a little extra income, to spending time with my husband. It all adds up. I want to start making money at home, research takes time. I want our family to eat organically and more raw, research takes time. I want to make a diy (insert occasion or seasonal holiday) project, research takes time. I want to learn to play the piano, speak Spanish, knit, work with leather, work with wood, about the policies of the numerous candidates for future president, read both a fiction and non- fiction book.... again either the research or just the act alone takes time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, at this point with Chunk now a year and a month old, I thought I'd have it all together and I'd be that SAHM that knew how to accomplish it all. I try. I write out lists everyday, and at the end of everyday, I'm utterly exhausted. The best time saver I did for my self as well as a stress reliever was give up social media, which was FB because I didn't even bother with Twitter or instagram or whatever else is out there. On a very positive note, I'm so grateful to be in this predicament. Yes, I'm complaining that I have too much on my plate and admitting that I don't have it under control, but I chose this. I wanted that Chunk of myself and husband in my life. When Chunk takes even just one second to sit still and lie her head in my lap or randomly come over to me with a book in her hand for me to read, I know that this chaos is what I've always longed for.

So, to the friends I forgot to call back, to my cousin that waits longer than she should for my hand written letters, to my friends that witness me losing my mind over a forgotten wallet after arriving late, to my family that I do speak with on the phone yet sometimes my interruptions sound like turrets, please forgive me; I'm in the middle of being the most absolute awesome human being to my Chunk.

To myself, I forgive you too for not being able to get everything on your list done. Its okay, there is another day. That Chunk was so worth it and playing with her today was truly magical. Didn't you just love that smile?



Chunks worth it. I love her so much.